My fluidity is drawn down
by the gravity of not knowing
I am flowing into a state
of constant descent to you
Do I really believe
that reason can repel?
Is it so reliant
on a conclusion?
My fear is diminishing
though dormant
Due to be awakened
Reaching out of the blue
To me from you
A hiernal shudder
A familiar voice?
A problem already solved?
How can I force
this cause to close?
On a whim
volition brings closure
To you, and I am roused
to fly or fight
To detect the true intent
To watch 360
A swinging door
I thought I had the power to shut
The harder I push
the stronger the pushback
4.
Splashed awake in the shallow boardwalk water. This edge of the ocean that halts to a stop at a man-made border. I’m with the other-worldly but less-distant part of me shaped as a large fish with a gaping mouth and i’m flapping just out of the water. I’m holding it like a baby, or a briefcase in a tornado. Really clutching it and trying to protect it. I feel like i’m hiding - but free in split seconds, almost simultaneously. I feel you in my arms, and then you are gone, and i’m half hidden under the wood slats of the boardwalk.
My arms become empty - my knees to my chest replace this fish. And I peer up half
i am not going to pretend feelings
it is not selfish to be true
threats will not make me come back to you
i am not a goal to achieve
you cannot make me act
lack of attention will not make me want you
i am not constant; my feelings fluctuate
you use powerful words and give me conditional love
your tears won’t make me cross an ocean